1). Which pattern (rigid complementarity, competitive symmetry, or submissive symmetry) do you think would be the most difficult to change? Why? Which would be the most damaging to a relationship? Which would be the most potentially damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals involved?
In my opinion, the most difficult pattern to change would be the submissive symmetry because as defined in the book, both parties struggle to relinquish control (Trenholm, 148). Because both partners avoid control, they do their best trying to control who makes the decision. I think it’s the most difficult pattern because both parties are not confident in their decision making and doesn’t think that the other person trusts them enough to make a strong decision. Strong decision making and trusts are important aspects in a relationship because to me, it’s what builds a relationship together. Putting pieces together in order to become a strong whole is what a relationship to me is.
The pattern that is most damaging to a relationship is the competitive symmetry. Trenholm defines it as both members fighting for the one-up position. Not only is it harmful in a romantic relationship, it is harmful in any kind of relationship. For example, two friends competing for the same position is hurtful on not only the ego, but on the individuals as well. The reason for this is because whoever wins in the end, the loser will feel that he or she is not comparable to the person who won and will feel as though he or she is not good enough or does not have the same qualities as the person who won.
I believe that the competitive symmetry is also the most potentially damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals involved because of how frustrating it is on both parties. Even though both individuals do their best to win the competition, one will always lose and will have a hurt ego due to the fact that he or she is not as “good” as the one who won regardless of the matter. For example, we all know that men lose weight faster than women. However, my boyfriend and I are always competing as to who loses the most…in the long run, I’m always the one who’s going to get hurt because his hormones allow him to lose weight faster regardless if I’m the one running and starving myself. It just sucks, but it’s something that I have to deal with. I’m always going to lose the competition and even though it’s all based on hormones, it just sucks.
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I agree with you that competitive symmetry is harmful to a relationship, there is always our natural instinct to do better than everyone else, and when it comes to friends or romantic partner it gets tricky. You definitely feel as if you aren't as good as the other person or feel very troubled. It's not a great feeling to have and should be avoided. We can be competitive but I believe that there is a limit. That’s a great story about your boyfriend and you both trying to lose weight, I have done the same with my boyfriend and to my avail there was weight that stuck to me and those hormones are tricky! It’s wrong to have the boys lose weight faster than girls, it’s discouraging I say.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your opinion that submissive symmetry is the hardest to change. You provided very good examples to your stand as well. I think that this is true because when both people are submissive, there is no where to go because not one takes charge of the situation. Like you stated, neither partner is confident enough or possesses enough trust to make a decision.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with your choice for the most damaging. This type of symmetry is not good for relationships in many ways especially if one partner is the one who always wins. The person who doesn't ends up feeling unworthy of the other.
I really like your viewpoints on this topic, but I think that most damaging symmetry to a self-esteem is the submissive symmetry. I have a friend who has been in a relationship with his significant other and he is unhappy because he feels that he has to do anything and everything that is requested of him. When a person is submissive to the other person, eventually that person will not be confident when making decisions in their life outside of that relationship. Loss of confidence and or self-esteem is extremely harmful to a person, and once that is gone it can take a long time to get it back.
ReplyDeleteAgain, I found all your viewpoints very insightful and your personal examples helped explain what you are trying to communicate.