2). Think about the filters you use to eliminate people from consideration as potential romantic partners. What characteristics or behaviors lead you to judge others as unattractive? Does Duck's theory make sense to you? Have you ever eliminated someone by using a sociological or pre-interaction cue only to reconsider them based on interaction and cognitive cues?
When I think about the filters I use to eliminate people from consideration as potential romantic partners I turn to earlier stages in my life when I did have a romantic partner and look back at both the positive and negative views on the relationship. I pick out the negative ones and make sure that my “potential romantic partner” does not show any qualities of my negative view points yet only the positive. For example, my ex boyfriend used to think that women were there simply for pleasure and nothing else. Women were there just to feed, entertain, and do anything her boyfriend wants her to do. And this is something I just cannot adhere to. I am my own person and having someone tell me what I have to do in order to stay in a relationship is something I will not have in my life.
Characteristics/Behaviors that lead me to judge others as unattractive are negative behaviors. When people think only negatively and never look at the positive view points of life then it makes me not want to be around them whether it be romantically or friendly. For example, I have a co-worker who is always complaining and whining about her life and it just bugs me to hear all the negative aspects. Yes your life right now may not be in the best condition, but there are positive outlooks to every negative one.
Yes, Duck’s theory makes sense to me because of the 4 phases he includes in his model: intrapsychic, dyadic, social and grave-dressing. All of which I believe to be important and necessary is an interpersonal relationship.
I am guilty of eliminating someone by using a sociological cue and have reconsidered them based on interaction. There have been instances where first impressions take a toll on me but once I do get to know the actual person, 9/10 chances I enjoy being around them. When I was 16, my boss at my old job used to terrify me because he always had this stern look on his face and was never happy with life. However, when I was able to get past his upset look, I was able to see that there is a reason to his unhappiness and he just needs to have a little bit of positive influence.
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I like your post and I think you gave a lot of good insight into how negative behaviors can completely alter a person's view of someone else. I think most people would say that they try to filter out negative behaviors and attitudes when looking for someone to befriend.
ReplyDeleteI too am guilty of passing judgment based on sociological cues and first impressions, but I think that over time I have learned that these judgments really don't have anything to do with the actual person or what they represent, and the only way I will know them is if I choose to interact with them.
I agree that negative people can be very uninviting. It is hard to get to know someone whose outlook is completely different from your own. I understand that there is a lot of bad in the world, but there is also a lot of good and people who fail to see that are unattractive to me at first. If I could get past the pre-interaction phase and find out where their negativity comes from- just as you did with your boss- perhaps I could change my mind. Overall I do like to get past the pre-interaction phase before coming to any final conclusions about an individual.
ReplyDeleteThe concept of filters is actually really interesting because it has a wide range of subconscious selection and conscious thought and attention. There are many similarities in characteristics that people share likes or dislikes for. For example, most people like their significant others to be hygienic. On the other hand, some people really like facial hair and would consider that a positive and others don't like it at all and would consider it an unattractive and negative characteristic. I like your example of your boss and how he looked stern but once you got to know him you were able to see past that and not consider it a negative characteristic.
ReplyDeleteI liked what you said about bad/negative attitudes being unattractive in a person to you. I did not think to write that in my blog, but when I saw you wrote that I realized that is a huge factor for me as well. This is a turn off in creating any kind of a relationship with a person, whether it be romantic or platonic.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to see hat you learned from your relationship with your ex-boyfriend. It seems that he helped you to find what you do not want in a potential romantic relationship.
Referring to your old boss, I think a stern look would lead me to believe that someone was not nice as well. It is good that you were able to find out later that he was not as mean as you thought. Sometimes it is hard to have interactions with someone once we have judged them, but in the case of your boss, you don't really have a choice. I have had my fair share of judging my boss to find out different as well (even thinking they were nice and finding out that they are not.)
Good post, have a good week!
Hi Goober,
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your post this week in regards to question #2. You stated about characteristics/behaviors, “When people think only negatively and never look at the positive view points in life then it makes you not want to be around them.” I feel the same way. In fact, I don’t associate with people who are like that or have them in my circle of friends. Instead, I have to say my girlfriends from all different walks of life are really FUNNY, CRAZY, and HILARIOUS! We can laugh for hours until our faces hurt. When we go out, we are probably thought as silly and acting like a kid.
I really like your example of how when people complain a lot and are negative people that can lead to negative judgements to people. It is amazing how people with negative out looks on life and situations can affect one's mood in such a negative way. I know people who have many appealing characteristics such as looks, smarts, emotional intelligence, etc. but, their negative outlook brings down the way you feel around them and distances yourself from wanting to interact with that person. People with negative outlooks can definetly lead to judging people in a negative way.
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